At lot seems to have been happening as of late. My continued alcohol abstinence and something new has been added to the mix such as being diagnosed with aspergers syndrome.
While I was given the diagnosis not too long ago, the process to get there took a few months attending several consultations and hours upon hours of chatting. Now I can talk anyones ear off, but even so it was tough going. What gave it that special quality of uncomfortable was that the whole point of the consultation is to essentially give my life story and from that its up to the consultant how that fits into the autism framework.
In the end it wasn’t a huge surprise, but at the same time it took a few days for it to sink in.
Not because it was the end of the world, but because the diagnosis acted as a pressure release valve. My brain immediately went into overdrive taking me back to my past thinking about bad thoughts, embarrassing thoughts, good thoughts/behaviours and so forth and how this put a clearer image to them, ultimately giving myself a clearer idea of who I am.
As far back as I can remember, I had had been plagued with doubts, uncertainties and a good dose of fear about who I was. What was I good at? What sort of things do I like? And many more. All of this going around my head constantly, feeling that sense of dread and panic coming from all that anxiety and worry. Of course no one can keep living like that without wear and tear which is why I turned to alcohol, It was the only thing that could calm everything down and help me “forget”.
From the beginning of that journey to the beginning of this one, looking back It absolutely feels like one hell of a marathon but one that I am very pleased to have started. Long may the progress continue and to provide more excitement for a good while yet.
Aspergers is a part of me, a part that I’m taking in with open arms and with a smile.
It’s like finding a long-lost part of yourself,
So onwards and upwards.
And as always thanks for reading.