Happy new year everyone!
Well here we are, 2016 and the continuing journey of alcohol abstinence!
This is my 2 month check-in and we start the year as we mean to go on, sober, clean and healthy.
The first major challenge to that was of course the christmas period as that is generally the high point of people’s acceptance of alcohol and heightened willingness to get “Off their tits” It didn’t feel quite as scary as I thought it would, group work with the local substance misuse service has helped massively with giving me the tools needed to cope with those sorts of high risk situations and I simply can’t praise them enough.
It enabled me to go out for the first time at christmas to family for dinner in years, with the isolation I put myself through as a result of the drinking, I had no perception about just how isolated I had become. To go to his for christmas dinner though was absolutely an achievement and felt good in doing something that previously I would have dug my heels in and said no. Its building on the good work you do in treatment, no matter how good it is you still have to push yourself up the hill of recovery.
My big realisation came on my birthday some time afterwards as when I awoke and laid there in bed I wondered to myself. What would it be like if I were to drink? What would that feel like?
The answer to that would be terrible on both counts, there I was in bed imagining what it would be like to drink again and I was actively rejecting it in my own mind. Alcohol does nothing for you, makes you feel terrible the day after and perhaps worst of all would restart that self-destructive mechanism that I have worked so hard to wrest control away. You know what? I felt amazing, I didn’t want alcohol, I never want alcohol again and that feeling is a reward in of itself because that’s not someone else telling me what to think, its off my own bat, absolutely one of my favourite presents that day.
I believe its called “Recovery Currency” handling potentially risky situations in regards to alcohol and getting through them that earned confidence, that extra self-esteem is the reward, the Recovery Currency I give myself as a reward.
My goal this year is to reach the end of the year and say to myself I did it, my first year,
lets keep going
Thank you for reading