Here we get our little transitional scene where we get to know our squad of ONI dickheads and Sedran bumpkins. The only new bit of information we get from the whole ordeal is that our Colonel Aiken used to be in the Spartan program (an augmented super-soldier).
Everything else? We just get confirmations that the ONI guys are twats and the Sedran’s are the mis-understood country bumpkins… Or so they seem?
Despite the ongoing twat parade we finally touch down on halo, and I have to admit its pretty cool to see. In the game its luscious green, mountains, rivers etc now its just ash, now if you had never played the games before then its inconsequential piece of space junk, I get that the main audience for the show will be halo fans, but what about non-halo fans? They’ll be completely at sea if they don’t have halo nerd friends to explain it to them. It would have been cool if we had a deeper re-telling about the object that the universe is centred around!
After our heroes go for a walk about on this barren wasteland, you can’t help get the feeling that the movie is starting to go the way of “pitch black”
You’re damn right it is, no sooner as they prep to leave and nuke the place they get stranded there as the exit ship gets taken down by little worm things that are attracted by active advanced technology, you heard me!
Worm things that can band together to be stronger than the sum of their parts and can eat a man in full armour in seconds.
So our heroes are stranded, except there not…. We all forgot about the ship that the smugglers used to get onto the ring, did I forget to mention that? It’s just that those guys were so inconsequential I completely forgot to mention, they are just devices used to give our main characters hope of getting off the ring alive.
How do they decide who gets to go on the ship with the limited space and who gets left behind to get burnt to ashes by the sun as the ring rotates to-day time to a temperature of a billion degrees? (another idea from a riddick film)
Draw straws of course!
God this is getting boring, more cheesy clichés but of the boring variety, monologues on what its like to be a soldier in dangerous, almost certain death situations. Cut with scenes of walking, and more walking *sigh*
Back to our heroes who are now showing signs of oxygen deprivation in the paper-thin atmosphere of the halo ring, so they have no choice but to power up their oxygen systems of their suits to avoid suffocating. Simple really apart from the hunter worms on their tail, but we do get an opportunity for some more stupidity courtesy of one of the sedan squad who is currently not in possession of the family brain cell as she drops oxygen filter down the slope they just came and it just so happens to still be active. Now normally you would give it up for lost considering the man-eating monster worms that are roaming freely around on the ring, but not this lady! She goes down after it and promptly gets her arse eaten off in 10 seconds flat, which is no real loss on, with the story!
Or what passes for a story
The group manages to get to a cave of some sort with the arms still close by, they moan and cry for a bit about how their royally boned and almost certainly facing certain death, and to be fair that’s what I would do! However we do get treated to a king dick move by one of the ONI guys who takes one of the injured prisoners and essentially rolls him down the slope edge to get eaten by the worms, wow nice going asshole now see how cooperative his brother will be after you fed him to the proverbial dogs.
Locke tries to reprimand the dick head who fed the prisoner to the worms, but the guy defends himself with this awful line “Do you see god anywhere? Tonight, we’re god” all in a breathless tone, come on guy if you’re going to say something that stupid at least ham it up for the audience.