Being able to get proper sleep has been something that’s eluded be for a good few years now. Waking up at 3/4 am regularly and every other hour is definitely not, what you might call a good nights sleep. Previously I would just watch some YouTube videos to tide me over until I started feeling sleepy again, I’m aware that could keep me up as well so lately I’ve been trying to keep it to a minimum so I could get some more sleep, any sleep that was coming my way.
And, yeah I have been getting more frequent sleep, while I still have been waking up, I have been able to fall asleep more for short periods of time, which Is progress…. I think?
The changes that has brought though, is that I have been dreaming far more than I used too. I have dreamt more in the past few works than I have the past few years, which is dis-concerting, but at the same time it could be an indicator of the anxiety I’ve been getting lately, and its been manifesting during my sleep rather than when im awake in panic attacks etc.
Waking up at 4 am, then 6, then every hour after that, normally you might breeze through an hour or so in a casual nap. For me, it seems to be another opportunity to experience panic/anxiety attacks in dream form, which is something im not in a hurry to experience again!
The impact the especially nasty ones bring are none too pleasant, as after you experience the fright or dread from the dream/nightmare, you feel it as you wake up. In your chest as tightness or perhaps rapid breathing or whatever, that’s one of the hard things about it, it leaves a footprint on you for a good few hours until you can shake it off. Again I take this as a sign that my anxiety and depression haven’t been doing so great lately.
Hopefully things will get better as the regular gym work outs start to really take effect, its been something I’ve been really enjoying as hey, what’s not to like about getting healthier and looking better?
Although when the panic/anxiety does set in you just have to take them for what they are and accept that it’s happening. For me the worst experience of the last few weeks was getting several dreams that had the central theme of missing several very good friends of mine, and when you care about someone that much, it really does cut deep when its been an abnormally long time since you last had any contact with them.
Unfortunately that is the way the world works some times, things don’t go your way and you do lose contact with some of your closest friends for a period of time. You should never be ashamed of that feeling, missing someone is never a bad thing, its part of what makes you, you. Learning how to handle it, and to channel it into something positive, that’s the jackpot, it is something that anyone can do, and you just need to believe in yourself that you can do it.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings for one night, I just had to get that off my chest. I hope you found it useful if it all at some point 🙂