I approached this one with some trepidation, I have done the first starship troopers movie (and that movie was brilliant) so you’d be forgiven for thinking that reviewing Its “sequel” too would make logical sense.
Then you wouldn’t be aware that its sequel was a straight to video release, with less than a tenth of the originals budget. Now you tell me that you wouldn’t be afraid of watching this train wreck of a movie. But no I thought, I would give this film a fair shake and see If It wasn’t as bad as the global internet mob voice says, so I am now £2 out of pocket that I used to buy a 2nd hand copy of the DVD.
So join me as we delve into the world of Starship Troopers 2……
At a glance of the dvd box, I cant help but see that it says at the top “In This Rapid Fire Sequel!” yeah right, rapid fire, this was released 7 years after the original film, and as I stated earlier with less than a tenth of its budget…… Save me!
Ok, so at the start of the movie we get hit by a cheap red text scrawl across a black background, It looks so damn ugly and cobbled together at the last second, it’s almost comedic in its effect. Its function here however, is to fill us in on what happened in the previous movie, a wonderful way to convey an hour and a half movie eh? A few lines of text scrawl? It blows my mind, but that’s just my first pet peeve because as soon as the text disappears we are shown one of those infomercials that was popular from the first film. Telling us about how glorious war is, and how close they are to victory so they need every last man and women to fight etc.
This gets jarringly broken up by the voice saying “Do you want to know more?” You may recognise this line from the first film again, but there you could actually see options to know more, here it’s presented as a video clip with no visible way of knowing more, there just throwing that line in as if to say “See! This is a proper sequel to the last film”. I might be overreacting about it, but that annoyed me in a big way.
Finally, after all that (It only lasted a few minutes but it felt like an eternity) we get our first glimpse of our “heroes” and the first thing that will strike you, is how absolutely ugly the film looks. Grainy, and low quality CGI (If your enemies look like they don’t belong in the world, then you’re going to have a problem presenting them as a credible threat to our motley crew of idiot soldiers).
Another thing that becomes painfully obvious is that while our idiots are being sieged by a massive horde of bugs, the camera cuts to the soldiers faces while there firing at something off-screen, We’re meant to take from their painful attempts at fear/aggression/screaming that there are horrific bug creatures out to cut them to ribbons, except it fails miserably because It takes you out of immersion, and the simple fact is the actors were not very good, you’d need grade A William Shatner material to make this look good/entertaining. Although I commend a certain actor who makes the least convincing cry of agony as he gets stabbed by a bug, It’s almost deadpan, It’s unintentionally hilarious.
It’s so half-arsed its astounding, but anyway as the mobile infantry battle to stop themselves becoming worm food, some general guy is discussing their next plan of action i.e. getting the fuck away from where they are now! But the rescue ships essentially tell them to go fuck themselves so there on their own, for now. They magically find out about an abandoned outpost not too far away from their position, so they hightail it out of there while they are still surrounded by hordes of horrific monsters (just go with it). The general stays behind with three other guys to buy the main group some time….. Right, four guys can hold off a giant horde like that where a full complement of soldiers were barely hanging on, fuck you movie.
So they make it to the abandoned outpost unmolested and take shelter as there is a massive hurricane of dust coming their way. Too late however as a few of the thicker infantry men get blown away by the powerful winds, leaving the others having to crawl on their bellies to get to the barricades in front of the outpost to magically protect them from the encroaching storm. Each time a soldier gets blown into the air, we get another dose of some woman sergeant screaming at them to “Stay down!” Sound advice I think you’ll agree?
Then along comes a single solitary bug, and it proceeds to stab the radio operator in the chest, everyone instantly forgets about the wind, grabs their weapons and come running to the now presumably dead guys aid. And that powerful wind that was blowing soldiers too and fro just moments ago? Nothing, its more of an annoyance now than a danger, good of you to keep it consistent, movie!
Oh, and the guy who got fucking stabbed in the chest? He’s still alive, he serves no more purpose to the movie other than screaming a lot (understandably so since he was just butchered). They could have just killed him off there and then, but unfortunately that might seem a bit too logical for this piece of shit.
So our heroes take up defensive positions, expecting that bug attack any second now while a couple of others try to scout the outpost and make it safe.
That’s it for Part 1, Part 2 coming soon!
Click Here For Part 2
Thanks for reading 🙂