This could very well be one of the shortest film nights I’ve ever done on this blog because I think I’ve found a film that I could very well hate more than “Epic Movie” now you might think that’s me over doing it but hear me out, the film really sucks!
It stars Owen Wilson and the one and only Jackie Chan, they find themselves tracking Jackies fathers killer and they have to recover an ancient emperors seal at the same time…. Whatever the hell that is, it’s never properly explained, if it was then I definitely wasn’t listening!
Now, I ended up watching this film before Shanghai noon, which was the first film in this….. “Series” and really, you don’t need to have seen these abominations in order. So what is my beef with this film in particular? Well for starters the writing is utterly terrible. Owen Wilsons character is completely unlikable, and to put a finer point on it, he’s a complete wanker. I believe he tries to get played off as a loveable rogue that has a liking for loose women i.e. whores. And when they make their way to England he endears himself even more to the audience by stating about hey farmers with pitchforks won the American war of independence, obnoxious to the absolute nth degree. The writing just seems to appeal to the stereotypes and discards any type of intelligence and any sort of wit, it appeals to the lowest common denominator, which makes me feel even worse that I forced myself to watch the fucking thing!
Jackie Chan’s character is the only likeable character, he comes across as humble and not so much of a dick, but sadly he seems to take a back seat to the douche master that is Owen Wilson. Even Jackie’s signature martial arts/comedy scenes the film falls absolutely flat for me, because it just seems so run of the mill, they fit it in any way they can and it doesn’t fit into the story or the universe of what there trying to create.
They try to ram rod in famous characters such as Charlie Chaplin and Arthur Conan Doyle, which is fucking patronising, its saying hey you’ll love our film because we have several nods to historical figures, even though the kid that plays Charlie Chaplin is an absolute twat who you’d love to smack in the face with a frying pan, while Arthur Conan Doyle is played off as a bumbling police inspector….. So entertaining eh?!
The only possible positive thing to this movie is that its main villain is played by Little finger himself Aidan Gillen, he would have been such a great villain if not for the woeful writing of this movie, although by his sheer presence he at least presents somewhat of a threat.
The overall thing that ruins the movie is Owen Wilson, It’s so cringe worthy and embarrassing, the entire production should have been canned when they initially thought of doing a sequel and inflicting this piece of shit onto the movie watching public.
To sum up my utter disdain for this piece of shit, don’t watch it! Its devoid of any intellect and any shred of humour, it’s an absolutely abomination and insulting into the mix.
Thank for reading! 😉
I need some suggestions for films to watch next by the way, preferably some good ones!