It certainly has been a while since I’ve written something like this hasn’t it?
Recently I’ve been having an increase of anxious and panicky moments during my normal week days, not wholly unexpected, as I’ve said before I have some anxiety problems. Although I had been having a decent period as of late of being relatively anxiety free, there are some trouble spots I could highlight as a particular course of a recurrence of anxiety attacks, I figured I would write about them, to put them down on paper (so to speak) and maybe if anyone else finds it useful then brilliant.
I guess the first reason that immediately springs to mind are the nearing of deadlines for coursework, nearing the time medical prescriptions need to be submitted or even feeling the pressure of playing cricket every week. Sometimes its a fight to avoid just shutting down completely and pretending to myself that everything is hunky dory and that it’ll all sort itself out if I do nothing and ignore it, which of course is wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s that instinct of wanting with all your soul to shut down and hide away from everything, if nothing can see you it can’t hurt you, unfortunately that self-perpetuates the existing problems already.
That’s one of the main things that can get very frustrating with these sorts of problems, knowing what you should be doing to help yourself, but also feeling completely unable to do it at the same time. Perhaps part of the trick to overcome it, is to try to not overwhelm your senses with the feeling that you have to constantly push yourself, by all means make good progressive steps, but never at your expense, by that I mean don’t push yourself so hard that you might melt-down and retreat into your shell again (something I’ve done many a time).
On the flip side though, that feeling of dread and tenseness that comes from a period of anxiety, oddly enough that’s starting to feel familiar, hey if anything happens enough to you it becomes apart of your life, almost second nature right? Just like with My Type 1 Diabetes, It’s been 2 and a half years since I was diagnosed, and I can honestly say I can’t remember what it felt like to not need insulin injections after every meal etc. Its become something completely natural, of course you don’t want to slip into being completely blasé about it, but im not about to do that, I try to take good care of my blood sugar levels 🙂
On another positive note, I have been feeling more familiar with that wonderful feeling of accomplishment when you overcome a difficult situation, or something particularly nerve-wracking, could be an appointment you really didn’t want to go to, or to travel and play cricket at an away game even though you don’t travel very well etc. Those are just two examples, but lately I have been becoming good friends with that feeling 🙂 as before I would not have taken much notice of the positive/good stuff that I had done and passed it off as nothing really. I guess you could say I cared more about my friends and family more than myself, I’d “Forgotten” how to appreciate myself which happily, I’m learning to rectify and getting a lot better at it.
As a whole, this has changed me for the better (I certainly think so!) as I’m not as reticent to show my emotions, I’ll no longer bury what im thinking or feeling in case I embarrass myself or whatever. Put your point across, never shy away because you sell yourself short when you do that. You matter as much as anyone out there.
Thanks for reading this little ramble 🙂