Bad/Horrendous/Horrible/Terrible Movie Time: Disaster Movie!

Disaster-Movie-30Seriously, Fuck This Movie…..

This is a film that was made back in 2008, and *Allegedly* classed as a comedy/parody it is a part of the “Movie” parody series such as “Epic Movie” “Scary Movie” etc. They have all been uniformly terrible, except for scary movie 1 which I actually liked. However this film this “Disaster Movie” takes the fucking cake, never has a film been titled so perfectly because it is an utter disaster, it’s a crime against comedy and basic film making and writing! Oh god the writing, but ill get to that particular gripe later.

So, this film has no coherent structure to it at all, it’s just reference after reference after bloody reference, and most of them aren’t even related to disaster films at all. At least in scary movie 1 they kept its focus on horror parodies, not on anything and everything that was popular at the time no matter what it was……. Not so with this piece of shit, there are references to the MTV reality show “Sweet 16” (Ok that one is a different kind of disaster) Hannah Montana, Sex and The City and even Step Up the dance movies. That’s only a few of them! You should be able to see how much of a disjointed mess this is from the wild range of things there apparently making fun of.

It smacks of laziness, the writers could have been thinking “What’s popular in mainstream culture?” then they brainstormed and put all of the ideas in a hat so they could pick some at random… Then they turn the hat upside down so the paper scatters everywhere and shouts “Fuck it! we’ll do all of them”. All through its 80 minute play-time you never escape the “Look at these guys! They were in that movie that everyone liked! Are we funny now?”

Crista Flanagan (as Juney) in DISASTER MOVIE. Photo credit: Jon Barren FarmerIts pathetic beyond words, from a superbad reference which had two of the boys stealing booze for the party so they can get laid, with fake Mclovin spouting off memorable lines from the films (Seriously how is that fucking funny? Answer, it wasn’t!) to having a cameo from a terribly costumed Kung Fu Panda. Seriously, they brought him in for a fight scene which adds absolutely nothing but filler, and might I add that the costume is terrifying also, seriously it’s going to be in my nightmares for the next few days.

However that’s not the end of the terror, there is even cameos from Alvin and The Chipmunks…. In demonic form and I swear to you the puppets they used for them are truly terrifying, although they start off sweet and innocent singing the usual chipmunks song and then morph into singing heavy metal which ill admit I did smile at. The sheer lunacy of it managed to penetrate my loathing for the film.

From one example of lunacy to another, the amount of fake celebrity cameos in this drivel is incredible, I would believe it if the writers said that they’ll get it whoever they can and play them out for kicks, because again they add nothing to the story (although there is hardly a story) or the comedy! They are painfully unfunny and insulting to the audiences intelligence. Again its them saying “Hey! doesn’t he look like that celebrity that everyone likes? Everybody laugh!……. Please?” The absolute best example, and by that I mean worst was the Hannah Montana bit where she gets half crushed by a meteorite. Because then she proceeds to advertise her merchandise (remember this is a fake Hannah Montana) and then pretend to be dead every so often, this goes on for two fucking minutes, and I challenge you to watch that bit and not have it feel like 2 fucking hours!

Oh, did I mention Kim Kardashian has a bit role too? The filmmakers really didn’t give a shit about making a good comedy did they? As you’d expect she’s terrible, not much else to say about her really.

disaster_movie09Lets talk about the so-called Main characters for a second. None of them have a comedic bone in their body, no sense of timing, no nothing, they are complete non-entities. If you asked me what were there names? I couldn’t tell you because I forgot about 10 minutes into the film! They are just so stiff and uncomfortable when they talk, it completely kills any sense of chemistry in the film.

But what is it that really offends me about this movie? Well, later in the film they come across an insane princess/Cinderella who accompanies the group of main characters throughout the rest of the film, following me so far? Well the main character guy (your typical blue-eyed Disney stock bloke) wants to save his girlfriend, so they need a ride. The princess helps out here…. By carjacking a guy and repeatedly shoots him and kicks him, all the while screaming and giggling like she’s enjoying it. It’s seriously jarring when this happens and totally unnecessary, they didn’t have to shoot him repeatedly they could have just dumped the previous driver out and driven off, not fucking massacre the guy.

Of course they try to pass this off, because hey she’s quirky! And not all there (Duh!) but to me, this sort of scene is what can affect a young mind because there’s absolutely no context for the shooting and no justification whatsoever, even in a comedic sense, as it’s not funny, not funny in the slightest. And with no repercussions, other than her maniacal laughter, it’s really not hard to come up with the same conclusion I had.

office-stressI seriously don’t know how films like these can continuously get green lit by producers, and yet seriously great films like Dredd get passed up. It’s an injustice, but there must be some sort of audience for this shit, and even just thinking that makes me very sad indeed, because this film isn’t funny, at all. It’s offensive to every sense, every bone and offensive down to your very soul.

So what’s our reward for sitting through this crap? Do we get some sort of pay-off that awards you for sitting through the entire movie? No, what we get is a stupid song about how so and so is dating this person and how they’re dating some one else and so on and so forth! It’s awful as well, no thought was put into this either, although considering the film I shouldn’t have been surprised.

but its over now and thank fuck for that

seriously do not ever watch this movie….. EVER

Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed the pain I inflicted on myself lol

Dave

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This entry was posted in Movies/Films, Personal Thoughts, Reviews/Retrospective and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Bad/Horrendous/Horrible/Terrible Movie Time: Disaster Movie!

  1. omarpradoair says:

    Reblogged this on Omar Prado and commented:
    awesome stuff man lol

  2. Pingback: The Legacy Of Terrible Acting/Voice Acting | djrutland1

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