Tough Day

So yeah as the title says its been somewhat of a hard, hot and sweaty day, half of that you can blame cricket because its 6 odd bloody hours of non-stop sun and just invites sun burn! Plus sore feet and other limbs, so you could say its been pretty taxing, but that’s not the whole reason it was hard.

As you know if you’ve read some of my previous stuff, I do suffer with anxiety problems, and unfortunately today I got it rather bad. Thankfully I managed to find a quiet spot to ride it out, although that took a while, and why did it creep up on me while playing a sport I love to play? Fuck if I know! It just reminds me of the time my doctor told me that it can creep up on you without rhyme or reason. And that’s what scares me, its like you’re at the mercy of an unknown force that can inflict torment upon you without any known cause or reasons behind it. Knowing how something works, or why something’s happening has always helped me, because, hey, better the devil you know right?

That’s the tough thing about It for me, but of course there are ways to help nullify an attack, for me it was music and of course since im home now, gaming, it helps take your mind off things and stops that self-destructive behaviour such as focusing on the negatives and continuing that spiral downwards.

Of course the weather being incredibly hot doesn’t help either, have to keep hydrated and especially for myself an added consideration of monitoring my blood sugar level as im diabetic (Type 1) but thankfully im feeling a lot better than I was earlier, it’s definitely a novel experience when your alone and you’re trying to not burst into tears, teetering on that brink for a good half an hour to 40 minutes.

Its something im not too willing to experience again for a good long while!

Thanks for reading 🙂



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6 Responses to Tough Day

  1. Miss Lou says:

    Hi Dave… Keep fighting the good fight! As someone who has suffered from anxiety, I can tell you it’s really important to get out there and do stuff anyway. Back in 2002 I had such a bad onset that I became agoraphobic and didn’t want to leave the house for fear of having an attack, and getting stuck in some corner or public toilet thinking I was dying!

    I eventually resolved I could manage this with some CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) and some really vigorous exercise.. I’d run 5kms and then be guaranteed about 3 hours of no anxiety attacks – it was a great way for me to get stuff done and get out of the house until I worked through some strategies that provided more a real change solution.

    Great post! Thanks for sharing!

    Miss Lou

    • djrutland says:

      Thanks lou 🙂 I keep meaning to go back to running on the roads but surprise surprise find something else to distract me, or a reason to not do it etc even though it does help immensely.

      Yeah ive done a bit of CBT before, ill be pursuing it for a while longer, until I can get off my arse and start running 🙂


      • Miss Lou says:

        YAY for CBT! Also, get your Vitamin D levels checked if you haven’t already. It is amazing how much being deficient in vitamin D can have an affect on your nervous system!

      • djrutland says:

        didn’t know that, I will get on that soon as poss :)…… it cant help my sunburn right now tho can it? English sun…. bad for your health lol

      • Miss Lou says:

        Australia Sun is worse – Closer to it and all… Though you can get Vitamin D tablets too (which I take)

      • djrutland says:

        ill pick them up, even if im not deficient it cant hurt to try them and see if theres any effect, well y’know me being English we don’t see the sun so sun cream is an oddity to me lol (yes I am an idiot for forgetting to use some)

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