Anxiety And Me…. Again, Over-Analysing And Guilt

David

Over-Analysing is something I’ve always done since I was young, up until present day actually. And I realise that me writing this could be classed as over-analysing the over-analysing, im still going to do it anyway!

Whether doing the little things or the large ones, I’ve always been one to think way to much about any situation I happen to find myself in. Whether it would be something as simple as say, going into town or wanting to part-exchange a few games etc it’s never as simple as getting up and doing it. What if the games don’t get that much? What if I go all the way there and they don’t accept the discs, meaning a wasted journey? (Damage etc) and so on and so forth, if all those questions can be answered then I can continue! If not move back to go do not collect £100 (Possibly incredibly stupid/wrong monopoly reference). Or perhaps on the flip side if im already out in town or perhaps going out on the town (which happens once in a blue moon) I wont be able to stop myself thinking of contingency plans, perhaps ill need money if the group get separated or will my parents be awake when I get back or whatever.

It also happens with work too, but the point im labouring to get to, is that if something goes wrong I endlessly beat myself up about it and I struggle to stop that. Even when over analysing is the problem I do it then too, see what I mean? It’s a circle of frustration and annoyance, its time like this I envy my brother (not often I say that!) where he doesn’t do that at all, and is perfectly happy, where as I can’t stop myself thinking too much and it gets depressing and extremely tiresome (self-fulfilling eh).

Where the guilt comes into play is, for example last week I had to pull out last-minute playing cricket due to illness (Diabetes, blood sugar was going haywire) now, everyone accepted that, it’s just one of those things that can happen and you just have to learn to deal with it right? Well yeah, but not if your me. For most of the day I felt terrible, like that id let people down, and questioning whether I could have played or not, which of course I couldn’t but I could never shake that horrible feeling of guilt even though I had done nothing wrong in the first place.

That’s the worst thing about it, knowing full well you’ve done nothing wrong but you end up accepting some sort of guilt that either someone’s put on you unfairly or if you over-analyse (there’s that word…. Phrase again!) and you come to the conclusion that it’s all your own doing….. Even though it wasn’t.

Perhaps its an overall self-esteem issue, if you don’t think highly enough of yourself (Unfortunately a very common thing) you tend to think, oh I suck so it must be my fault. This would be where positive reinforcement comes in and you learn to recognise the positives and the good things that you do. Essentially learning to love yourself and to not be so down on… yourself, it’s a hard thing to do, but it is well worth the effort and the time, you’ll feel so much better, and me too!

I’m rambling a little bit, but hopefully you get the gist of it.

Having Anxiety sucks

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Dave

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