Angry Terrible Movie Of The Week…..End: Scary Movie 4 *Spit* Part 1

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Well, where do I begin with this utter abomination of a so-called “Comedy” other than it being an insult to every single intelligent human being on this earth? Well for starters I loved the first scary movie, i thought it was absolute gold, then the 2nd one not so much and then it started to slide down the scale faster than warp speed. As I am a glutton for punishment though i decided to give scary movie 4 a chance, as hey maybe they would re-capture the magic of the first one…. And did they? No… No they did not, I don’t know how the fuck the writers of these train wrecks keep getting work, I mean how is it possible to keep getting paid for something there quite clearly terrible at, and wouldn’t know what was funny if it hit them upside the head with a fucking asteroid.

This “Film” gets everything wrong, its basic structure is basically a collection of parody sketches of other more successful and memorable films. But they don’t even do it for a reason or to further the plot or anything like that, they do it for a cheap gag even though it’s completely out-of-place for a franchise that’s meant to be parodying “Scary Movies” maybe there idiots and forgot the entire fucking premise of the movies. For instance why is there a parody of Million Dollar Baby in there? It served no useful purpose, all we get given is a cameo by mike Tyson dressed up as a girl beating the shit out of Cindy (Anna Faris), oh but get this, he starts biting the ears of people within arms reach, remember when he did that?! Like 10+ fucking years ago?! That shit is not funny! His ear biting wasnt funny to begin with, so why would it be funny now you prick writers!

That’s another thing with this god damn film, its loaded with “Celebrity” cameos that add the square sum of fuck all to the movie. They can’t act, it’s as simple as that, there only there for the cheap pop of, oh hey I recognise him! Or I know that guy! Has the parody genre (Or perhaps just this franchise) become a dumping ground for the twats in celebritydom who get so fucking high and mighty and start to believe they can act, and no one has the guts to tell them that they suck. Perhaps im thinking about it too hard, maybe there in the film for trailer fuel? They can load it up with cameos so there idiot fans can say oooo! so and so’s in the film, i have to go see it now. It’s utterly demented yet brilliant at the same time, taking advantage of the young and foolish you dicks.

That’s what the film does though, it belittles the audience with its utter terribleness and willingness to degrade itself and us by its liberal use of terrible puns, telegraphed jokes and talentless non-charismatic actors, and i use the term actors extremely loosely. Theres one bit in it where Leslie Nielsen (R.I.P) as the president do a parody/sketch whatever you want to call it of when Former president bush got informed about the attacks on 9/11, and all nielsen wants to do is to find out what happens at the end of the little kids book…. And then to top it off he mis pronounces Rumpelstiltskin as rumpelforeskin…. Fucking hilarious eh? I assume adults wrote it, and must have suffered severe brain damage to even comprehend of finding that funny.

The main “Story arc” if you can call it that, revolves around an extremely terrible send up of “The War Of The Worlds” (the modern one), and what may i ask has this to do with scary movies? Or has it come to the point where the name, is just a name, it doesn’t give you an idea of what it’s about, it’s just a name there using to draw audience members in who possibly remembered how good the first one was and think this one is up to scratch as well. If so that’s despicable because your riding off the coat tails of a much better movie. I realise that riding off the coat tails of other movies is a bit ironic considering its a parody film, but you’re not meant to rip off your own parody!

Anna Faris is ever-present, as she always has been since scary movie 1, but she phones it in hard, yeah she’s hotter than anything but that’ll only get you so far after you’ve finished staring at her you realise shes utterly boring and incessantly whiny. As for the male lead (I have no idea what his name is, nor do I care to find out because he’s about as charismatic as a lump of concrete and just as funny as one.) he is creepy, or at least to me he is, if they were going for that charming bumbling vaguely slapstick role, they failed…. HARD, because he comes across as needlessy cruel and utterly brain-dead, oh and before I forget there seemed to be a running joke of him endlessly injuring his little daughter…. Comedy!…. Ugh, leave the kids alone you hack scum writers!

right im going to cut it here because I need to calm down a bit before I start to do pt 2 which will be the nutshell of what happens in the film so you get a better idea of its utter terribleness, share in my misery/rage! :D, a bit more review-like than a foul-mouthed rant.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it as much as I found it cathartic ;D

Dave

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