A Review Of Dead Or Alive 5, Otherwise Known As Boing!

Because the boing refers to the boobs….. Never mind


So! Dead or Alive 5, i was thinking about leaving this until i played it a bit more but at the same time, you’ve played one DoA game you’ve played them all, where they differ is they progressively look nicer, the boobs get bigger and bouncier (ill come back to this) and maybe an extra fighter or two, that’s about it.

Although the seemingly new addition to DoA 5 is the new fangled story mode! Which is, odd…. The characters all speak in dubbed english rather than the japanese voices with english subtitles, which takes some getting used to let me tell you. The story is predictably awful, with an extremely loose at best justification for each fight you get into (It goes down the mortal kombat route of story mode where you watch cut scenes until your character at that moment gets wronged in some way or propositioned or whatever! Like for example the new character Mila, her story section has her sparring with Tina, then out of nowhere Brad Wong and Eliot (I hate him especially) just waltz in and decide to tag fight us, and the justification the game gives for this? Mila never served Brad his booze back at the diner where she met Tina, so he followed them to the gym, what the fuck game!

Another one was with Kokoro, someone knocks into her, she demands an apology….. By initiating combat with them?! It was at that point where this game verged and then dove head first into crazy-stupid town.

You can tell that they put some effort into the story mode, but then fell flat on their face. Because the way they link each story cut scenes and fights that happen? Then the next day, 1 week later etc it never changes! Seriously, Tecmo never ever try to write again because you suck at it!

So apart from the utterly abysmal writing the story gameplay is basically one bout fights with a “Bonus Mission” tacked on which have you doing a certain move a set number of times to earn a “Title”, and what might this title do i hear you ask? Pretty much nothing, yep you only use it on a DoA type card thing which presumably is whats used for the online portion of the game.


(uh-huh, remember this is a fighting game….)

So that concludes the new portion of the game, im not really paying too much attention to the new characters as that’s a given because every new iteration of a fighting franchise should have new fighters, otherwise its gets incredibly stale really fast. Although i have to admit the admission of Akira and Sarah from the Virtua Fighter franchise was a surprise, but im not a fanboy so I didn’t pay too much attention.

Theres also your standard bevy of DoA fighters that have been around for donkeys years with seemingly the same exact moves and combos (I checked, they are!) and of course the counter moves that rely on timing etc so there’s not really a lot left to say about it…. Apart from this.

Dead Or Alive has always had its Unique Selling Point as tits, nothing about complex fighting systems or graphics etc, but that tits are what sold it as they verged on gratuitous, so to a “Then” teenager like myself and any others loved it instantly. Hey staring at boobs while playing games, win win! Except these days, it isn’t. Now im 26 and see it for what it really is, a shallow, exploitive booby fest. Now im not totally opposed to that but this series has been around for 10+ years, it’s a relic for want of a better word and there are better ways to glorify in booby excess than this. Perhaps ive grown up (Dont all faint at once!) but it’s dissapointing that games like this still get a big budget and where other more deserving titles never see the light of day… *sigh*

So in closing if you can look past the cock tease presentation, and lets face it if you 18 and under you are hardwired to look only at that, you’ll see a fighter that should have been put out to pastures a long time ago and perhaps in its stead something new and fresh, we can but only hope.


*Perhaps if the development team are really hung up on this series then go full tilt, make it XXX rating and go out with a bang! (no pun intended). Oh and maybe there starting to veer that way because apparently in a PS3 update of the game it allows you to control the jigglyness of the tits using the six axis controller, now if that’s not completely exploitive and stupid I don’t know what is.

Thanks for reading



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