Slightly Drunk Movie Classic Time! Starship Troopers 1 Part 1


I had to put the 1 there so you know I meant the original starship troopers and not the numb skull sequels which don’t get anywhere close to reaching the standards it set.

Granted the first one isn’t an oscar worthy masterpiece but it certainly was gripping and harrowing, yet had a dash of dark humour which was always hilarious, this is starship troopers…..1

We start in Buenos Aries (or however you spell it) where we get introduced to our main characters, Rico played by Casper Van Diem (or whatever it was) Carmen, played by Denise Richards (Who is always hot) and dizzy played by some girl who is rather attractive too and Sam fisher….. I mean Michael Ironside who plays the role of Mr Radchek Rico’s and Carmens gruff school teacher who you can tell has been around the block several million times. He is also Sam Fisher from the splinter cell games so i shall sometimes refer to him as Sam Fisher aswell as Michael Ironside as there both wonderfully awesome.

I’m digressing somewhat, anyway, we are meant to believe that Rico and Carmen are of high school age, or university perhaps as that might make more sense. It sets a vision of what the world is like during this particular future where the population is dividing into civilians and citizens. Citizens get given citizenships (duh!) via fixed term service, presumably to the armed services to protect humanity etc etc yadayada, and civilians… Dont, surprisingly enough a.


So as we progress through the little highlights of school life, we see that Rico and Carmen are going to sign up to serve so they can be citizens. So during their final days in school we see Rico playing a futuristic version of American Football and Carmen his girlfriend (I might have forgotten to mention that….) cheering him on from the sidelines, but to cut this particular section short, a guy from the enemy! Team crashes into the audience after missing tackling Rico (Hah what a dick), he hits it off with Carmen much to Ricos jealousy but thankfully the game finishes without a hitch and they go off to a leavers ball…. That was fast, anyway, we finish the night off with Denise Richards whispering into Ricos ear “My fathers not home tonight…” that’s our cue to go daammmmnnn!

So Rico joins the mobile infantry and Carmen joins the Fleet (flying) the other girl Dizzy joins the M.I too and their psychic friend whose actor I recognise but can’t quite place his name, joins the military intelligence, as hey he’s psychick, put 2 and 2 together right?

So after the farewell scenes we come to my favourite sequence…. The boot camp! This is and always will be hilarious, its like a full metal jacket but in the future. Here is where we meet Ace the kind of comic relief who is indeed quite funny to go along with his goofy features. It’s also here where we see that Dizzy has requested to join Ricos unit (she has a thing for him, which I forgot to mention also…. sorry about that!) She denies wanting to join his unit because she still wants a taste of the Rico cock, but we know better don’t we ladies and gentleman?

As we progress through the boot camp with Rico we see that he rises up the ranks to become squad leader, and subsequently get dumped by Carmen, we think because the distance is too much to handle as long distance relationships suck? But if you look a little deeper it’s because she fancies another dude, namely the guy called Xander (the guy who crashed into the audience during the football game). I’ll warn you now as i may waffle a bit on this point but this is where Carmen really starts to piss me off, does she or does she not love Rico? Because they were meant to be in a relationship but when she meets Xander she gets those flirty eyes and smile going and forgets completely that she has a boyfriend. That pisses me off as you see straight away that she’s attracted to him, but leads Poor old Rico on a merry dance until she rips his guts out via text message (or the future equivalent).


(A bitch in the film, but still absolutely, ball-breakingly beautiful)

I guess you could say Denise Richards does a great job of playing the coy little strumpet character but come on! We feel for Rico and we want him to win! I don’t know how he wins but he just does!

So after she dumps us (and really, good riddance to the bitch) we see a live fire exercise which Rico is in charge of, but of course it doesn’t go off without its fair share of problems, like y’know someone getting shot in the fucking head! However it is kind of Ricos fault as one of his squad mates has a helmet that’s way too big for him, so he took it off to show Rico and surprise sur-fucking-prise someone else gets shot with a stun laser thing, she spazzes out and shoots wildly killing the guy sans helmet. Well that’s a clusterfuck and no mistake, y’know just once in these sorts of films id like to see live fire exercises go off without a hitch….

So one dude is dead, the girl who shot him is leaving (If you must ask why then get out….) and Rico is on the cusp of getting booted out. However since they need as many bodies as possible they manage to keep his punishment down to corporal punishment in the form of 10 lashes, hey no matter how far off into the future things are, you just cant be the classics….

When that is all over and done with we cut to Rico packing up his stuff as he’s decided he’s had enough, I mean he’s gotten someone killed, took 10 lashes to the back and got dumped by the reason he joined up in the first place, so things aren’t looking to jolly for old Johnny. As he starts to walk down washout lane (where the quitters go *ahem*) we notice everyone running towards a big screen as something monumental has just happened that is going to change everyone’s lives for good…..

Find out what it is in part 2 😉

Thanks for reading

Part 2:



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