Ludicrous Romances In Games Take Three: Catherine

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Yep this wacky love triangle anime/block puzzler is my next candidate for utterly stupid romance of the year in gaming, this time however its the males that get the treatment, although to be fair this game doesn’t say anything particularly good about either genders.

To begin with the main character named Vincent is an absolute tool, when he’s not whining about being in a relationship compared with his other obviously single mates, hes sweating and stammering his way into one night stands never quite managing to blurt out that he already has a girlfriend, one could say this boy could definitely do with a new set of balls and a spine to go with that. Seriously! If anyone impressionable came across this game and played it for an hour or two they would be left with the impression that all males are immature, uncommitted stupid dick spurts.

Also get this, during the nightmare block puzzle sections (as hey who doesn’t get nightmares about those…..) we see Vincent as a normal man, with attached ram horns jutting out of his forehead, hes accompanied in this nightmare scenario by of all things…. Sheep but the kicker here is the sheep are actually other men who have been cursed by *The Womans Wrath* but of course to them we’re sheep and there human. It gets a bit confusing but the point is that its making out that men are nothing but sheep which i choose to take offence to!

However you can say this game doesn’t have an overly flattering view of women too (perhaps practicing a weird sense of equality?) because the two women vying for Vincent’s affection (although why would they want to because he’s a fuckwit) are called Catherine and Katherine, see what they did there? Now Catherine is the stable slightly frumpy committed relationship kind of girl who is already seeing Vincent but of course he’s afraid of committing and is afraid of not being able to have any fun if he marries her, yeah because when you get married women suck out your ability to have fun? That’s news to me! I’m starting to digress sorry, anyway Katherine is the carefree “Fun” rebellious one that essentially talks Vincent into bed without reaallyyy trying as Vincent is such a tool he just does what he is told.

It actually might be Katherine is the stable, boring one and Catherine is the Rebellious one night stand specialist. You can see how this gets confusing, either way though it plays towards the many stereotypes of women and men, i guess its saving grace is that the game in of itself is utterly bonkers.

Another way this game abuses the notion of romance and the relationships of men and women is again during the nightmare world portion of the game. The “Boss” battles of the block pushing puzzle variety have you scaling the block tower while being chased by a hideous monster that has a female voice with a butt for a mouth and vicious teeth who kills you if she even gets close to you (I’ve heard it said its actually a vagina, but im still maintaining that it’s a butt monster). You can’t help thinking this is kind of symbolising Vincent’s fear of commitment…… And that women are monsters who will eat him?

(Its ok to be scared of this…. I am, the Butt/Vagina Monster)

Maybe im reading far too much into this as maybe they wrote this weirdness in for humour? A certain poke at our own generalisations and stereotypes? This is all very possible, until you come back to the fucking butt/vagina monster that tries to eat you and if it catches you, you die in real life. That freaks me out on every level because who the hell does that? I know japanese games have a kind of reputation for being utterly bonkers but still, come on guys you can do better!

Anyway Thank you for reading

Hope your enjoyed it, Lost odyssey coming later today.

Dave

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