Part 2 of the… Fun will commence…. Right now!
I havent talked much about the atmosphere and tone that the film was trying to convey and that’s because…. There isn’t really that much to speak of. The “sets” if you can call them that are deserts and one particular umbrella underground research facility, that’s about it. I guess the film makers were trying to go for an isolated, everything dead feeling for the movie but for the resident evil franchise that doesn’t really work all that well. I mean the umbrella surface entrance to the underground research facility is surrounded by a quintillion amount of zombies, but our heroes convoy is completely clear of any nasties and is relatively unmolested so im not sure how that comes about, but its become a staple of the series to have wild inconsistencies it seems.
There is one thing id love to know, how did the T-virus kill off vegetation and dry up water supplies? (according to the short re cap at the beginning of the film) it’s never ever explained, although there has to be some about somehow as well, there would be no survivors at all because water is more bloody important than food to humans! But im digressing a little, we then cut to the one and only Ser Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) who is a great actor and one of my favourites, playing an evil scientist who is trying to perfect a formula that reverses the effects of the T-Virus but not through any sense of trying to save the human race oh no!
He is trying to erase the zombies need for feeding on flesh so they can have a cheap sense of menial labour… The master mind of this plan? Wesker who ive mentioned looks and sounds like an idiot and this plan? Is quite possibly the dumbest thing ive ever heard, what is the point of having that and vast amounts of power if the majority of the population is un-fucking-dead? Are they playing at super villains for fuck sake? Because the plan has the logic of a super villain, the film would have more credibility with this if the main villain was Dr Evil!
But anyway after that stupid, stupid scene we cut back again to our heroes who stumble across i guess a motel sort of thing? The comic relief guy goes in and thinks about scavenging a few things and generally trying to be helpful, however he gets attacked and yes, bitten by zombies, however there are only a few of them there so they deal with the zombie threat easily enough but mr comic relief never tells them about the bite which you can understand up to a point as id expect wed all do that, but his companions have no idea at all he’s bitten and don’t even bother to check him over obviously taking him for his word that he’s ok after a god damn zombie attack, seriously how are these guys still alive? And where’s Jill Valentine? Is she dead or something? because she is nowhere to be seen in this film.
So after that brief stupid stupid encounter which serves only to get Mr Relief bitten, the convoy goes on its merry way to….. Nowhere as there seems to be no destination other than drive around perpetually, although before hand we do get a little scene where Alice is asleep at a camp fire she made (natch) and her powers seem to be evolving and becoming more powerful (rocks etc start levitating around her as she gets agitated by visions and nightmares) so at least we get a little bit of progression with her story arc but ultimately its pointless.
If I seem to be having a bit of trouble telling the story about this movie, it’s because well there isn’t much of a story its by far the most boring one of the series, the complete antithesis of what the series is (well since resident evil 4) and it was a complete chore to sit through. Whoever wrote this seriously has to take a long hard look at themselves and maybe take some crazy pills or something to at least liven things up.
Which oddly enough happens, because when the convoy stops to…. I don’t know refuel or something? Oh I remember they were setting up camp and taking a rest for the night, then in the morning one girl who i think they called K-mart (dumb name) wakes up and hears odd noises so she pokes her head out of her truck (they also sleep in their vehicles, which ill admit is a smart thing to do) and what does she see that’s making those odd noises? No not zombies…… But a “Mother Fucking Murder Of Zombie Crows Or Ravens Whichever Ones Are Called Murders!” Ok I kind of messed up that reveal, but seriously zombie crows? That is so ridiculous it’s actually awesome, the writers must have been on something to dream that up and im glad they were as this definitely is a good change of pace from the dreariness we’ve been suffering through. So quite a few survivors get picked off and pretty gruesomely devoured by the zombie crows, it’s not looking good for our intrepid hero, until *drum roll* Alice appears! and uses the flames from the flame thrower attached to one of the tracks and expands the fire to engulf all the birds killing them all and within seconds, so essentially Alice is a superhero now with full control of her new super powers, quick learner eh?
So of course the last remaining survivors are understandably weary of her apart from Carlos from the previous film…. Hey wait a minute why isn’t he a zombie? He was bitten in the previous film but then was given an antidote I know but, I was under the impression you needed to keep taking it to suppress the T-Virus to stop the mutation? So unless he has some infinite supply of antidote hidden in his arse while the entire world goes to ruin, just how is he still a human? Although im trying to bring logic into a resident evil film so im being stupid right there.
(Match made in heaven?)
There also seems to be a potential for a budding romance between Carlos and Alice. Seeing Alice roast a flock of crows turns him on i guess? But the point is there’s no building up in the relationship, it just sort of happens.
Oh Ser Jorah (evil scientist) please save us from this terrible film and end this….. Please?
Thanks for reading