Resident Evil Marathon Continued: Resident Evil Extinction

Ok here we go part one, this is the sequel to Resident Evil Apocalypse and I hear you ask will it be the cheesy, rubbish but kind of fun to watch as the first one? Short answer No, long answer Nooooooooooooooooooooo….. You get the idea, this one was by far my most hated as it has nothing to do with the franchise whatsoever except a loose plot line of zombies, viruses, survivors and shit like I don’t know… The Walking fucking Dead! Although to be fair it could be said of all zombie films so I guess it’s the genre at fault really for being uberly generic, but anyway here it is Resident Evil Extinction….

We start off with Alice played by Milla Jovovich naked…. Again, so far she’s been naked in every film now at the risk of sounding like a pig im totally fine with this, she is smoking hot and if they want to start the film off like this to raise my expectations I can handle that! So it plays out a little like the first resident evil film Alice waking up in the shower, wet glistening body…… Ok sorry got distracted, she then finds herself going through an obstacle course of sorts of deadly traps when she gets gun downed by a sort of gun mine. If only that was the end of the film right there, but no it becomes apparent that the Alice that got gunned down was in fact a clone grown by umbrella, for what purpose? It’s not really clear yet so im resisting questioning it yet since the films just started. So they dump her body into a grave but then the camera pans to a mass amount of Alice clone bodies, ok movie my interest is piqued, what the fuck are you doing?

(One of the various Alice clones)

But instead we get a short re cap on why the world has gone even more tits up (seems like the T-Virus escaped containment…. Again and has pretty much fucked up the entire planet killing vegetation and drying up the water in the globe. How does it do this? It’s never explained *huff*) anyway we cut to a band of plucky survivors lead by claire Redfield played by Ali Larter and she can’t act for shit, emotion and acting prowess are a thing lost on her because she plays this role so stiff and wooden you end up praying that she gets killed first as she’s just so damn unlikable. As for the rest of the survivors, I have no opinion on them at all and that’s not because i was paying attention because I was, it’s just we never really get to meet or hear about anyone of them there’s no history or character building there just extras for the main characters to order about so there only there for show not tell.

Also one can’t help thinking that this movie starts out having a very “Walking Dead” feel to it, now im not sure whether this was released before the tv show but you do get the feeling that you’ve seen this all before. Wandering survivors in a convoy of vehicles trying to scavenge supplies and trying to survive in an infinite wasteland of horror, sounds familiar eh? If not walking dead then every other horror/zombie film/game ever made! They don’t even have the luxury of travelling through interesting environments, all they do is drive through the desert so all you get is sand, sand and more mother chuffing sand!

After the dull dreary introductions we cut to the real Alice who is searching through an abandoned school to only be captured but a group of redneck hicks who look like they practice incest as a hobby. She gets tossed down a pit where they keep there “pet” zombie dogs, usually a death sentence eh? Not for Alice though! she’s a super powered arse kicking machine and does her thing and at the same time manages to get the rednecks eaten by their own zombie dogs which i have to admit was a pretty cool scene, best bit for me had to be when Alice kicked one of the red necks in the chin so hard he fucking dead, robo leg power or what! So Alice escapes not really finding what she was looking for, and neither do we because nothing clues us in aside from looking at her journal deciphering her various bits of scribbles into an overall goal which in this movie is to reach Alaska where apparently there’s a safe haven from infection and where they guarantee safety and food etc.

Which you can already tell is bullshit if you’ve ever watched “ZombieLand” because there’s an exchange there between Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) and Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) at least i think he was Columbus, but anyway Columbus tells Tallahassee where he is going, to an apparent safe zone where the military have set up a base for protection, Tallahassee says “back east huh? people from the west say its east and people from the east say its out west, it’s all just nonsense” so following Zombieland logic you know that “Safe Zones” are bullshit in this sort of situation because they never exist, people just make them up to give them some sort of hope.

Then we cut to (“Albert”) Wesker who if you’ve played the games is pretty cool even if he has an utterly stupid voice. Here they manage to make all of him look incredibly fucking stupid, seriously he seemingly has no relation to the superior game “Wesker” but thankfully he’s not there much, even though he’s a major player in the games but fuck it the less we see of him the better in my opinion, sun glasses in a dark room? Need i say more about him?

We come back to our survivor “heroes” and i use that term VERY loosely and we get a first glimpse of the guys who made it from the previous film minus Jill Valentine (maybe she got killed I don’t know the film never ever mentions it). The film however does serve up a little surprise because, do you remember the comic relief guy from the previous movie that i mentioned? Well they’ve brought him back but he’s made the seismic shift to a guy who can handle himself with a gun and try to pull off being a bad ass (which he fails at…. Hard) it beggars belief why they thought this change would be believable or why they couldn’t have just brough Jill back who was far more credible in a zombie killing role than the comic relief idiot ugh.

(Ser Jorah (he’ll be featuring prominently in the next part) you can still escape! Run from this arse of a film!)

That’s it for part 1 time for an intermission there’s so much more fun to come, hope you stick around to find it! 😉

Thanks for reading

Dave

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