Well finally we have got to the final section of my notes on this fuck wad of a film, although the good feelings don’t last long as i still have 2 more movies to get through and to watch the last one…. So hopefully you’ll forgive me for going batshit bonkers for a while. Although battlefield 3 chaos does help slightly in a cathartic way, although every time I think about battlefield I remember I need “End Game” to complete the expansion party set. But im digressing, so let’s get this mother started…
Wow that was a fun game of conquest on battlefield, never dissa….. Ok Ok, So when we left off in Pt 2, everyone was united in one big…ish group, one guy bitten, the reporter chick dead, the russian stereotype mauled by zombie dogs its going swimmingly for them. Then Alice pulls another super power out of her ass by knowing that Carlos (The SWAT guy who got bitten) was bitten, although this time they don’t try to off him first chance they get because there comes the ASTOUNDING revelation that Alice is infected too but in a slightly different way, oh and also Angela is infected too…. They must learn to be more careful eh?! But seemingly Angela has been infected for a long time with the T-Virus and has to keep taking the antidote or whatever it is, to keep the virus repressed (she used to be in a wheel chair so Doctor Ashford injects her with the T-Virus and it regenerates her legs but the anti-whatever stops her from mutating) so happily they can save the one SWAT guy who the story deems important enough to save, well and providing a vague potential romance in the future too.
Then they make their way to the escape point where the final helicopters are evacuating umbrella staff before they nuke the city, which is another cliché beyond fucking belief. Fast forwarding past a shitty flashback, they take out the few guards er…guarding the helipad-thing and clamber aboard… Only to be stopped and captured by the big bad umbrella executive baddy! Shock horror! Oh and I keep forgetting that he seems to have the most ridiculously stereotyped german accent? I wasnt 100% sure. They waffle on some more about Alice being the perfect being and that how her body as somehow changed the T-Virus (bonded with it perhaps) and that’s what gives her, her super human powers and general awesomeness, now this isn’t exactly explained very well and pretty much leaving you guessing about how it manages to do that, perhaps its by magic fairy dust from the abomination wand? I don’t know but that sounds more plausible that what the writers of this shitty film would come up with if they had bothered to explain themselves.
So in a move you can see coming from a mile away the bad guy (no idea what his name was) makes Alice and the Tyrant creature duke it out to see who is the better killing machine, and while this is a pretty cool fight scene i do fail to see how Alice can hurt something so huge and impenetrable as the Tyrant but hey ho. They keep on fighting and he ends up breaking a bar off to attack Alice with, but whats this? the camera lingers slightly on the jagged jutting out bit of metal that looks like it could skewer someone or something? Yep that’s exactly what happens Alice kicks the Tyrant multiple times, he stumbles and impales himself on the damn metal spike, I guess the writers didn’t want to try to create anything original, perhaps they wanted the movie to end as much as I did?
(Guy on the left was turned into the guy on the right, theres a resemblance eh?…)
So Alice wins the fight, the bad guy goes on about how she’s the perfect tool/weapon blah blah blah, she refuses to go with him and work for him etc (im skimming the talky bit because really you’re not missing much it’s the cliché “Come Work For Me, Imagine The Power You Could Achieve!” kind of like Darth Vader to Luke. Again she refuses so the bad guy goes about killing all of her friends and probably Alice too (it wasnt too clear on that…. Again!)
*Twist* coming in 5…4…3….2…1……
The tyrant remembers who he used to be, back from the first film and goes ape shit and starts to amass a killer combo that serious sam would be proud of (increasingly obscure reference right there) which then allows the group to escape in tact minus the ultimate bad guy who they push-off the helicopter they’re taking off in, and ends up getting eaten by Doctor Ashford who he killed a few minutes ago (he’s already turned into a zombie although apparently it should take at least a few hours but fuck logic eh!).
The escape doesn’t go completely as planned though as the helicopter crashes due to the aftershock of the nuke that they use on raccoon city, and of course she gets picked up by umbrella again (it’s not clear what happens with the other). She gets I think cloned because for all intents and purposes she was dead and they try to reprogram her to work for them, since her memories were seemingly wiped clean. However that’s not that case and she remembers everything and goes on a rampage out of the facility using more powers pulled straight from her arse (psionic powers and mind control anyone?) she gets rescued by her pals he all seemed to have escaped the helicopter crash and seem to be big wigs now or some sort of big shots that come to get her out. She goes with them and umbrella lets her go as they have a tracking device inside her eye by the mad scientist played by Ser Jorah Mormont from the Game Of Thrones who i shall always refer to now as Ser Jorah instead of his character name in this film.
(Get out of the film while you still can Ser Jorah!)
And the films ends there on that apparently suspenseful ending, and thank christ it ended there. One and a half hours of complete bullshit and utter utter stupidity, but in a way it was a fun watch and it nailed the campy action of the games plus the sheer idiocy and nonsensical plot that everyone seemingly has a fondness for.
So is it worth a watch?…. Definitely especially if you’re any sort of gamer or fan of the resi evil series, it’s a good laugh as it doesn’t take itself seriously like the first movie tried too. However if you’re not a gamer or fan, it’s a bit more tricky id say if you go into it with the mindset that you know its going to be terrible and enjoy it for its stupidity then you’ll love it, but if you’re a film snob or buff then steer clear at all costs!
Anyway that’s the conclusion, hope you guys enjoyed my taking you through resident evil apocalypse.
The next film resident evil extinction (the next film in the series) is next in the marathon but I think ill wait till tomorrow to start that, I know you’ll all be excited for that 🙂
and as always thanks for reading
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I had fun writing it 🙂