Movie Day! Resident Evil Marathon: Resident Evil Apocalypse Pt 1

Hey guys, I havent dont a film review of any sort in a while so since I was at my brother’s house today we watched a ton of movies with him and my dad, which was a great experience plus it gave me a ton of material to work with for a review.

The first one on the list is of course

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Now coming into this I knew that this film would be night on terrible and it didn’t disappoint but it was also a lot of fun to watch, which surprised me but it was probably the truest resident evil film that there’s ever been. It’s not taking itself too seriously like the first one did. So it plays out the raccoon city disaster from the first resident evil game, so far so campy and the tone couldn’t be further from a horror movie, if it was trying to be it failed miserably, although anyone whose scared of resident evil these days has to be like 5 years old.

Oddly enough though the film seems to start out with the umbrella corporation sending in a load of hazmat guys into this giant dark room…. Fucking foreboding already and within a minute bam there worm food or zombie food I should say, it strikes me as a little blase for a massive multi billion dollar organisation but hey it’s there employees they can feed them to whomever they want I suppose. Before I forget to mention however they do have a brief recap of the first film at the beginning which I approve of a lot because too many sequels just assume that the audience its playing too already know the back ground and the various details of the story so, well done Resident evil.

So as the movie progresses they don’t immediately introduce Alice to us, instead we’re introduced to pretty hot actually Jill Valentine played by Sienna Guillory, now I have never heard of her before and probably never well again but boy can she wear that classic Jill outfit! It might sound sexist to bring that up as her only attribute but it really is and she can’t act, but then again I guess no one is really expecting her to, so she gets a free pass on that one. After that little…. Interlude we get introduced to some umbrella SWAT team members mowing down zombies but at the same time getting overrun because, well there are bloody thousands and more of them against a squad of 4 or 5 guys which get gradually whittled down to 1 through the course of the movie.

(HOT!)

Although they do pull off one of the coolest stunts in action films ive seen in a long time, this guy rappells head first down a helicopter dual wielding pistols taking out zombies like a pimp. All to save a woman who commits suicide anyway because she was bitten, so it was heroic but it was dumb at the same time.

So we cut back to Jill who has made her way to the only exit which conveniently is controlled by Umbrella…ella…..ellla… Ok ill stop and is hardly letting anyone through. Then oh shock of horrors the main bad guy some sort of executive boss man decides to seal the city completely leaving everyone stranded. He then explains what he’s done to the crowd their on a megaphone and orders them to turn back and go to there homes, if they don’t they will be fired upon, after that you can clearly hear a female voice shout “Whats going on here?!” and it was all I could do to not shout at the tv, he’s just fucking told you, you idiot!

While ever-increasing chaos ensues a doctor Ashford wants to find his daughter who is apparently trapped in raccoon city and wants umbrella to go get her out. However they point blankly refuse and advise him to go to the helicopters to be evacuated, which he refuses too although at this point I fail to see how a guy in a chair no matter how brilliant he is can do to save his daughter. But whatever as ive established it’s a stupid movie, so our intrepid heroes take refuge in a church and is confronted by a guy who is very jumpy and you know within 5 seconds is the first one to go out of all of them. Which he is, eaten by a licker and a whole load of them surround Jill, some reporter chick and a black guy who got bitten at the security checkpoint.

 

And then!….. Alice crashes through one of the windows with a motorbike (how did she get that) and goes ape shit on the lickers moving almost supernaturally, again how did she know she could do that? But besides the lack of explanation it is actually a pretty cool scene and certainly livens up what was previously a very dull scene (they were trying to build up some tension by keeping the licker creatures in the shadow to try to get you scared and create some suspense….Doesnt work though). The group immediately trust Alice as hey, she just saved their asses and they try talking to her to get to know her a bit better, but all they get back is the stereotypical bad ass chick routine, monotonous voice, no emotion, nothing. But hey why provide emotion when the other cast can do it for you right? Although they barely do.

At this point we get briefly introduced to the most obvious comic relief guy ever created in cinema its unbelievable. However I will credit him with one of the funniest lines ive heard in film, so he’s driving madly down the road he sees a zombie and goes to run it over at maximum speed and yells out “GTA MOTHERFUCKER!!” (Which is a reference to the sandbox game Grand Theft Auto) which had me in stitches, it was hilarious! That line right there sold me on the film in a big way 😀

But before i get too ahead of myself there’s something that my dad pointed out and got me thinking too, the group were travelling through a graveyard when the long deceased rose up from the ground and starts to attack them….. But how are they rising from the dead when they’ve never been bitten? And if the virus was airborne why weren’t all the living people not infected, did it like seep into the ground or something? Gaping plot hole right there, although I expect the director did it just for shits and giggles.

And another thing every time in this movie, guys and girls when firing guns, never evvveerrrrr seem to go for the fucking head! You would have thought they’d have learnt something that basic by now, but no! They keep insisting on shooting the torso where it does fuck all damage, idiots!

(Milla-Alice, Rapelling or running down the side of a building, just one of many utterly ridiculous but oddly compelling moments)

I’m going to cut it short here guys/gals

Theres still a lot more bullshit to sift through

As Always Thanks For Reading

Always appreciated
Dave

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